Sunday, April 26, 2015

Wild for the Wild: An Erstwhile Hockey Fanatic Confesses



It's been a long couple of weeks for me with a number of turbulent ups and downs.

So now it's time to talk about hockey.

I grew up in southwestern Ohio, which is a hotbed of baseball and football. Basketball as a sport crossed my radar mostly during the NCAA tournament, with teams like UK, Louisville, Cincinnati, Xavier, and UD serving as hot topics. I grew up in the Jordan era, but the NBA wasn't anything to get really excited about - the Cavs were perennially mediocre until LeBron came in 2003, by which point it was too late for me to get really excited about them. (And then he left, which wouldn't have helped anything, but now he's back, so...there it is.)

Ryan Suter - Defenseman
 As for hockey, well...it was strange. There really weren't any major hockey teams nearby for me to cheer for. I vaguely recall hearing about the Cincinnati Cyclones growing up, but that was minor league hockey, if anything - as were the Dayton Bombers. Both teams I believe are now defunct, or at least I didn't feel like researching those teams. (I know the Bombers are kaput, so there) Columbus got a team in 2000, but as with LeBron, I just couldn't bring myself to care.

See, hockey wasn't a thing we grew up playing. Nobody in my circle of friends really went ice skating, any hockey we played was roller hockey (and I still can't roller skate), and nobody had any passionate interests. It was all Reds/Bengals/Buckeyes all the time.

When I moved away to college, things changed. Bowling Green is only two hours time from Detroit, so there were a great number of Red Wings fans in the immediate area, but BG has/had/still has a reputation as a great hockey school (they even won a national championship several years back!). During my time, it wasn't anything to write home about, but games were fun. I didn't understand anything of what was going on, but the students made it enough of an event that games were fun to go to.

But I still didn't care about it. I didn't have a team to devote my interest to.

Zach Parise - Left Wing
My friends can't say they didn't at least try to get me invested. My longtime roommate, Alex, was a fan of the Red Wings and pulls for various other teams depending upon the playoff situation. My other roommate, Tyler, is a passionate Colorado Avs fan with a deep rooting interest in the sport. J. (who lived above me for one summer) currently writes about hockey for the Addison Recorder. Other friends root for the Buffalo Sabres, the Blue Jackets, the New Jersey Devils, and so on and so on.

It seemed as though if I wanted to continue to have a vested involvement in friendship/sports talk, I needed to pick a team. But how does one go about that? I wanted to pick a winner, but choosing a current front runner would essentially mean becoming a band wagon fan - something I've hated after years of watching Cincinnati Bengals fans. I had no strong regional ties and just couldn't get involved in the Red Wings, no matter what. So I punted, staying just knowledgeable enough to get by in conversations and to cheer on playoff hockey once it got going. I do recall speeding home from work to watch Sidney Crosby beat the Red Wings in the Stanley Cup finals one year - and I also recall watching Canada's Gold Medal game in the 2010 Olympics.

And that was about it.

I moved to Chicago in 2011/2012, the year after the Blackhawks won their first Stanley Cup. They had a relatively off year (i.e. they didn't win the title), so hockey talk wasn't as crazy as it could've been. The next year, when they did win, I was out of town, though I did have a rooting interest in watching them beat the Bruins. I told people I was happy for Chicago, and remember watching the streets around my apartment fill up on live TV. It would've been the perfect time to become a dedicated Hawks fan...

...except it still felt like jumping on the bandwagon. Heck, I wasn't even in Chicago during the playoffs for the most part. Pulling for them would be cheating. I couldn't do it. Plus, I still didn't really care enough.

And then came the 2014 playoffs. Once again, I settled in with no real interest or knowledge. Teams were involved, and if the Hawks went far, I figured I'd pull for them from a distance, unwilling/unable to get involved.


One night, early on, my friend Tyler (who lives in Oregon now) posted a comment on Facebook complaining about his team's performance. The Avs were a highly favored top seed playing the lowly Minnesota Wild, a team that had sprouted up in recent years as an expansion team, much like the Blue Jackets. They don't have much of a history - though the former North Stars did, and Minnesota is called 'the State of Hockey'. Anyway, Tyler complained about going to a bar and being annoyed by some obnoxious Wild fans. (Let's be real - how are there Wild fans in Oregon? The team's not two decades old, and I don't think a diaspora of Minnesotans could have carried that passion that far that quickly. The whole thing seems strange to me. But I digress.)

As many of my friends will tell you, I take an obscene delight in ribbing/trolling/annoying them with regards to their sporting interests from time to time. (Ask Alex for my thoughts on Michigan) So, I naturally responded to Tyler's post with a declaration that I was "WILD FOR THE WILD". I didn't think anything would come of it - again, the Wild were a low seed, and I couldn't even name two players for them at the time. It's my belief that if one wants to declare fandom for a team, one should at least be able to name five current players for that team. If one can't, well, then you're a terrible person.*

Color me surprised, but the Wild went on to beat the Avs in the first round. I was shocked, and found myself greatly excited about this - and not just because they'd beaten the Avs. I actually rooted for them to win - I wanted them to win. I was, in fact, WILD for the WILD.

I relayed this information to Tyler, stating something roughly along the lines of "I think I've chosen my hockey team". For his part, Tyler handled this graciously - somewhat ecstatic that I'd finally found my hockey team. I mean, he was sore, but sometimes victory can be won from the snatches of defeat - I had become a hockey fan.

I continued to pull for the Wild, even after they got knocked out in the playoffs (by the Hawks - ugh). Later that summer, Tyler sent me my first hockey jersey - a Wild sweater. At this point, it's one of the only sports jerseys I own (I need a new Reds jersey to replace my Austin Kearns relic, but I've been too poor of late to get that Votto jersey I've been craving), and I'm really okay with that. I've been gifted subsequent Wild shirts and memorabilia (thanks Karen T.!), and have standing invitations to travel to Minnesota to attend a Wild game sometime in the future. (Thanks again, Karen T.!)

Why am I writing this now?

Devan Dubnyk - Goaltender/Savant
Well, it's been a long couple of weeks, as I said at the beginning. I've finally settled the question of my employment (i.e. how I'm supporting myself and my work by day), but I just came to a decision to look for a new apartment - a single unit this time. It's been a great three years having a roommate, but I finally feel emotionally stable enough that I can live on my own-some. In addition, my relationship status/love life is once again up in the air - i.e. I'm single again. It's a low priority compared to, well, most other things in my life, but it's still something I need to think about. (what do I want in a relationship, do I want to be single or in a relationship, where am I going with my life, etc. all the usual fun questions) In addition, I'm continually working on getting my play put together/read/put up here in Chicago, and that brings about a whole 'nother set of questions.

Basically, as soon as I get one situation under control, another two spring up to take its place. Nobody told me being an adult was like fighting the Hydra.

So trust me when I say that it's been fantastic to have the distraction of the Minnesota Wild in the background. As I type this, they just won their first round series against the St. Louis Blues, clinching it with a dominant 4-1 victory. They're hot, and this year, I sincerely believe they can beat the Hawks in the second round. Possibly even make it to the Stanley Cup Finals. Possibly even win the whole damn thing. Which, as I try and continue to figure my life out, would be a fantastic thing to have to keep me positive.

Rooting for any sports team is an irrational act. We don't do it for practical purposes, unless our living depends on their success. We have no connections to the teams we cheer on. There is nothing to be gained or lost by our rooting for one particular team. If a team loses, life goes on. If they win, life goes on. There's an argument about identity being forged by a team, that sports teams as civic operations boost local economies, yada yada, yes, yes, we get that. I'm talking about why we root for certain teams.

In my case, I root for the Wild because of my friends. Because everyone who taught me about hockey understands that once a team gets its claws into you, it's hard to shake it. Because it's great to turn on a hockey game while I'm working on a scene or a chapter and tune everything else out for a minute. Because seeing that the Wild won on a particularly crappy night for me can help to cheer me up. And because...well, when they win, it just feels good to know that this is my team that I found in my own way in my own time for my own reasons...and they stick with me.

And that's why I'm WILD for the WILD.

*Five players for the Wild, because I hold to my rule. Center Mikko Koivu is the team captain. In the 2012 offseason, Zach Parise (LW) and Ryan Suter** (D) signed to the team. Other wings include Thomas Vanek, Justin Fontaine, Jason Pominville and Nino Niederreiter (who is now the Wild's all time leader in game winning goals in the postseason!) while Keith Ballard and Matt Dumba help hold down the blue line on defense. The year started crappy for the Wild until they traded for Devan Dubnyk (G) in January. Since then, they're one of the hottest - if not the hottest - teams in all of the NHL. I could name more players, but then you'd just be bored. Besides, I'm too WILD for the WILD right now to focus any more.

 **Also, while I still want a Votto jersey, I think I might spring for a Suter jersey first. Though, again, the costs of living/putting together a play/film take precedence. In which case, you now know exactly what I want for Christmas.

Sunday, April 19, 2015

Seeking for Stability: Bidding Farewell to Erstwhile Chaos

I started this year with a number of goals. Most of it was writing-oriented - tangible, achievable goals that I could check off, one by one, without facing much in the way of adversity. If something stuck, or I didn't get far in a storyline, I could rest easy in the idea that there would be something else I could work on. Ideas could develop slowly or quickly. The pace didn't matter - I would control what I was accomplishing.

So far, it's been very successful. Leaving my restaurant job was the best decision I could have made for getting more work done. I'm free to write unrestrained, without having to worry about the stress of a job that I'm dreading. I've been sleeping better, I've been managing my weight, I'm happier, and I'm free to have more of a social life than I was able to before.

The trade-off? Financial stability.

I haven't exactly been starving here, but I've definitely not been able to live comfortably within my means. I've had to put a little more debt into my credit cards (which were paid off at the start of this grand experiment, so it really hasn't been that bad), I've been forced into missing out on some social events (I know, I know, woe is me), and I've had to curtail plans on traveling, something I was really looking forward to this year (I know, again, woe is me). The most humbling thing was asking for momentary financial assistance from my dad when my tax bill came due and I owed money for the first time. (Hopefully, that won't be an immediate problem moving forward, as I'm no longer taking in tips and not paying taxes on those tips. But then, who can say what's going to happen in the future?)

Upheaval is something that I've dealt with before, but this was a different kind. It's self-inflicted upheaval. Well, upheaval might be too strong of a word. Uncertainty. Trusting that hard work would lead to my being able to rest comfortably in the fact that I'm making enough money to live comfortably, without worrying about running out of the small fund I've saved up over the past year.

I'm hopefully reaching a point where that uncertainly will be put to bed. I can't say anything just yet, as nothing has been set in stone, but after several months of hard work, a few lucky breaks, and pushing myself to meet and exceed my personal goals, I will hopefully be free once and for all from having to resort to a second job. (Or from walking back to my old job and asking them to take me back - which was always my last resort.) My tentative goal was to have something figured out by May, so I'm again ahead of schedule as far as where I'd like to be...but again, nothing is settled, so I'm not going to talk much more about that.

The most important thing I'm taking away from 2015 so far is that I'm one step closer to determining my life on my own. In years past, the plan was to turn to grad school and figure life out from there. It would be an easy set of pre-determined goals: complete these classes, earn this degree, qualify for this job, figure life out from there. It was always about looking ahead, at the expense of living life in the moment.

In hindsight, not getting into most of the schools I applied for was a good thing. Theatre-wise, I'm figuring out how to get my own work produced, which was an early goal that seemed too daunting at first to even think about accomplishing. Now, I'm taking strides towards getting staged readings of my first full-length play completed...and towards possibly getting it put up as a full production. (Again, early stages here. Nothing to see, nothing to see, just keep moving on.) Writing-wise, I felt that the only way to grow was to get my MFA, where I could set aside years to hone my craft. Now, I'm enmeshed in a circle of fantastic writers who are willing to offer advice and critiques that have helped me grow and build my work in all fields. I've learned where my weaknesses lie, and what my strengths are, and I've taken strides towards putting better and better quality work onto paper.

Had I gone to grad school, I might have foregone the necessary learning curve I needed - essentially, answering my question of 'do I really want to do this or is this some flash in the pan dream'. I still want to write. I still want to get my work produced/published/performed. I've learned that my goals are attainable, and with the help of multiple people I've met while staying in Chicago, I know more ways to attain them than ever before. Plus, I'm not going into mega-debt for a degree that I might have to pay for throughout the rest of my life.

When I came back to the city from Dayton in 2013, I realized that I needed to make changes in my life. Since then, I've refined my writing, honed my craft, learned better how to support myself, and identified where I need to continue to make improvements. I've disciplined myself better - I just started back up at the gym, and the early results are really encouraging, which makes me feel better already. (I'm not as out of shape as I thought I might be.)

Having said all of that, there's still a lot of uncertainty in my life. Where I'll be living after June 30th is very much up in the air. I don't like my apartment - it's a hole in the ground with low ceilings and very few windows. While I love my location, I'm willing to trade that for other elements that will lead towards me being happier and healthier at home. I'm at a point where I feel I can choose how I want to live my life as opposed to making complete sacrifices/concessions in the hope of just getting by - and that can start with where I choose to make my home. It's a transition that started when I picked up temp work instead of relying upon the restaurant for all of my income. It continued when I said that I wanted to live healthier and joined a gym. It continued again when I said that I wanted to focus more on my own personal work rather than bounce aimlessly from audition to audition. It will continue as I figure out where I want to live.

I'm a little bit closer towards becoming the person I ultimately want to be. That journey will never be finished...but I'm still taking steps on it. (Gawd, I hate terrible metaphors, but it works in this case) In the meantime, I'm enjoying the ride.

Also, I wound up at a random Cubs game today. The Cubs lost, but fun was had. If I had gone to grad school, who knows when I would have been able to go to a ball game. Not really a wrap-up thought, but for what it's worth, I'm happy with the ability to make spontaneous decisions and not suffer for them. Which is something.